Posts in Being His Daughter

The Girl who walked on Water

“Come”, he said.

 

Breathe deeply. Hold your breath. Let it out. Repeat. Then step out. One foot, then the next. Forward. Repeat.

That’s all she had to do – deep breaths, one foot in front of the other, forward movement – to walk on water. It seemed easy except she never got past taking deep breaths, understandably so. Who would imagine that she would ever contemplate walking on water, she who couldn’t swim? The absurdity and sheer insanity of it was worrisome. She had always played safe – no late nights, no speeding, no unhealthy eating – and it had always worked for her.

 

But then it was He who was calling out to her. He seemed to always have a clearer picture of these things than anyone else. And He seemed trustworthy. He was out on the water too, and He seemed pretty comfortable so maybe He knew more about these things than she did. She had read in the past about how Peter walked out on the water to meet Him – somewhere on the way He took his eyes of the man, Jesus, and he started sinking. Jesus saved him, but still, she wasn’t one to take chances.

 

Her gaze could be on a million things at once, so how could she keep her eyes stayed on Him? There were bills to be paid, goals to fulfill and dreams that she had to live out in colour. Then the nightmares too. It was hard. He had always told her not to worry, but surely He must know she was a worrier and thinker.

 

But this boat didn’t feel as good anymore.

 

In a way, she’d worried herself into a hole. One that caused her boat to fill up with water. And it was filling up so rapidly it didn’t make any more sense to stay in it. And well, He was persistent and reassuring. He had never stopped calling out to her, so maybe it was time to try this out.

 

Gingerly, with her eyes on Him, and her heart on His word, she tried again.

Breathe deeply. Hold your breath. Let it out. Repeat. Then step out. One foot, then the next. Forward. Repeat.

And boy, did she walk!

And there was sinking, and floating, and walking and flying, and tears and laughter. And there was failing and starting over again.

But she was never ever afraid of raging storms again.

My Beautiful Disruption

“Is it dusk yet. Yes? Okay. Listen up! This will be long.

When I took this photo, I was just hoping to capture a beautiful sunset as I used to do every evening on my way home over the bridge. Then this danfo comes out of nowhere to interrupt my view but I’m still clicking away anyways. I caught a few good shots, but for some reason I could never delete this one.

A few months and #snapseededits later, I look at this disrupted photo and it’s beautiful. And clearly different from all of the other sunrise and sunset photos I’ve taken.

God was telling me that this Disruption is my life. And it’s oh-so beautiful. And so, because I’ve put this off too long, I’d like to introduce you all to “The Beautiful Disruption” 😊

It’s been a long time coming, and it’s something that God gave me for everyone. It’s a collection of personal essays that strip the layers off and show you how God went out of His way to create this beauty that my life is, by removing everyone and everything that stood in His way, and sometimes, like this picture, by putting roadblocks in my way. And all the lessons I learned along the way.

Now it gets better: Some of us (my blog readers) will get the chance to share in this project. You get to read a few chapters. And because I know how important it is for us to tell our stories, I’m throwing it open for anyone who is willing to share their Disruption stories with the world. The only requirement is that you must realize that there is no shame. You didn’t go through all of this not to tell your stories.

Over the next couple of months, I’ll be sharing excerpts on the blog. I can’t wait for this journey.”

 

First I want to apologize for being away from here for so long. I wish I had a perfect and believable excuse, I don’t. I’ve just been feeling dissatisfied and uninspired (more on this later). I feel like there’s a lot on my plate but I’m learning to prioritize.

Back to the matter at hand.

I posted the text above and picture above a couple of weeks ago on the gram and I’m a little over excited even. I was going to do all I had to do in private, but i’m reminded that in the end it isn’t always about me. God gave me for me, and for many other people. I threw it open and the response has been overwhelming, which was just confirmation that God wasn’t playing when He asked me to go on.

I’m currently working on a dedicated website for this, should be up in another few months, and then we can start sharing. If you would like to be a part of this project or support it in any way, please holla!

Love and Light

‘Gbemisola

On Ragdolls and Elastic Hearts

“He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.” – Psalm 147: 3

But just before the wounds heal you run back to the same things that caused them. Maybe it’s the lure of the familiar, or maybe it’s to show them you bruise easily. So they can see how much they hurt you? Or so they can try to fix you?

 
But you were already fixed.

 

Every tear, He wiped away. Every time they tried to tear your heart to shreds, He came through. Do you remember those nights that you cried so much you wondered if you would run out of tears? Do you remember when you thought that maybe, just maybe, if you stayed long enough in bed the world would go on and leave you behind so you could rest in peace? Do you remember when you would cry out asking who you really were and why your life was like a soap opera written by a sadist child? Do you remember when you thought that maybe Cain’s mark was on you too, so no one could love you or stay with you? Do you remember your whole body shook with the pain and all you wanted was for someone to hold you still?

 

He heard you.

 
He heard you, on those nights you thought that you were better off dead than alive. He held you when you shook with pain and tears and calmed your fears. He patted your hair and cupped your face in His hands, then He wiped your tears. On the night when loneliness was eating you from the inside, He was there. His arms were wide open embracing you. And you fit right into the nook, His nook.

 

But you forgot.

 
You wanted something “tangible” you said. You forgot His love was the most tangible thing you ever knew. Everything else was so ephemeral. But you chose that over love that never left. So you took your heart back from Him and gave it to the one who broke it before. Your heart is such a gift but on whose altar are you offering it?

 
He did it again.

 
Not Him, the other one you gave your heart to. You thought that your heart could stretch without limit, elastic heart. Your precious little gift you so willingly threw at his feet. You didn’t know how to handle it, neither did he. So he let it drop. Smithereens and fragments so little that they hurt to pick up. You are his rag doll now. And you’re too ashamed to come back to your fixer.

 

But He was always here.

 

The Love was always here. On the sidelines where you left Him when you went off. He’s here now, arms wide open. Waiting for you. He’s whispering:

 

“Let Light In, Let Me In”

 
Excerpts from my book, out Easter 2017

The 30 – Day Praise Challenge : A Review

You know those times in your life when no matter how hard you try you can’t seem to find a good thing going on for you? I had one of those at the end of April. I was sad and depressed, then my body shut down too. Sometimes your body is down and your spirit is lifted, so you hang in there. This time it was both for me. I was disinterested in everything and did what I would typically do if I was depressed – check out. So I checked out, besides personal hygiene and going through the motions at work, I was just floating, numb, auto pilot. You know what I mean? Anyway, on one of those days at work, I was in a meeting and wasn’t concentrating so I started going through my email and saw a newsletter after free E-Books. I clicked and the one that  caught my eye was The 30-Day Praise Challenge by Becky Harling, probably because I was being cynical at the time. When I read the blurb (or whatever it is called for e-books) and I saw that it was a book that focused on intentional praise, definitely worth the try. And the best part was that it was $0.00. Can you see God?

 

Background and Author

 

Becky Harling  started to intentionally praise God after she was diagnosed with Cancer and had a double mastectomy at age forty-two. She also walked through healing from sexual abuse, but still kept up a vibrant praise and worship which lifted her heart and mind above the circumstances around her. So if anyone should teach you about Intentional Praise, Becky is the right candidate.

 

The Book

 

The Book is divided into three parts: The Challenge (which is basically the Introduction and Background), Thirty Days of Praise and Taking it Further.  In Part Two which is Thirty Days of Praise, each day starts with an Invitation from God (it reads like Jesus Calling) where he encourages you to praise Him for a particular attribute or deed of His, or for a particular reason or person. The Invitation ends with relevant bible verses. After the Invitation, there is a suggestion of songs to listen to, a Prayer, and a Journal section. In Taking it Further, Becky Harling helps with more ways to intentionally praise God – Praising God through His names, Praising God using the Psalms, Praising God from the book of Revelation, praising God to defeat the Enemy, Praising God through a declaration, Praising God when you are grieving and a list of Praise Songs to download.

 

Here’s where it gets interesting: During my own 30-day Praise Challenge, I was broke as hell, ill for most part, depressed, had a minor accident (I say minor because God came through) and then ended up in the hospital for back pain. So it was clearly not a quick fix. But what I learned from intentionally praising God is that even though you don’t get all the answers immediately, your faith grows and your focus changes from the things happening around you to the things that God can and will eventually do for you, in His perfect timing.

 

The best of all of this, is that in a bid to encourage myself, I started sharing screenshots of The 30-Day Praise Challenge on my Instagram page. Turns out there were many other people following and who were blessed by it too. And the best part is that I got it for free. Maybe sometime in the future, I’ll be able to buy copies of this book to give out to everyone around me. There’s also a 30-Day Praise Challenge for Parents, but when we get to that bridge.

 

Have you read The 30-Day Praise Challenge? Let me know what you think.

Love and Light

‘Gbemisola.

On Loving Spoilers

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding” – Proverbs 3: 5

Between office work and trying to live my “why”, I always find time to watch series. This was always my entire weekend, being a hermit until lately. I did some calculations – If one episode is 56 minutes and I watch 5 episodes, I would have been staring at my screen for about 5 hours. In my defense, I have perfect eyes, but it’s the thought that when I was done watched 5 hours of TV I would have wasted 5 hours of my life watching something that wasn’t entirely helpful to me. So I learned to limit it to just a handful (except based on recommendation) – Game of Thrones, Person of Interest, Narcos and occasionally Scandal.

 

Now here’s the thing with Game of Thrones: It’s only ten episodes per season, and it’s only one season a year. In April. And it’s only 10 episodes every year. Obviously I don’t have HBO so I have to wait to download from the Internet. Sometimes, with my work load and other commitments, including sleep, I have to wait for a few weeks so I can watch in “omnibus” mode.

 

But the wait.

I hate not being in the know, so unlike the other humans who threaten to shoot another person for sharing spoilers online, I intentionally go hunting for spoilers. I like to know who dies next, and  what happens in King’s Landing and pretty much everything, before I watch. No surprises. Can’t blame a girl. There’s too much blood and gore, as if real life wasn’t hard enough.

 

And it’s the same thing with real life for me. I like to have all the answers. I like to know the end from the beginning. What will happen 3 years from now if I make this decision? Are the statistics in my favour? Will this be a smart move a few years from now? If it doesn’t seem like I’ll get what I want, I don’t attempt. I don’t touch what I can’t grab. I don’t take unnecessary risks. I’m heavily guarded and I like to stay that way.

 

Thing is, with life, you can’t know it all. I always wish I could google projections or maybe just straight up ask God to tell me what He knows. But I think that’s where faith comes in. It’s in blindly trusting and following God, knowing that His plans are always good. So I don’t know who I will marry, or how many kids I’ll have and all the other details. But I think that knowing God is enough is all I ever need to know.

Just enough light for the step I’m on.

 

“I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.”

Free Falling

Never been one to not try to be in control of my own life, or emotions or anything even.

But if I’ve learned anything this year, it’s that Love is Trust. Everything I held on to this year has been questioned. And God has replaced all my dreams with new ones and shown me what it means to trust Him.

Free falling is reckless trust, trusting Him enough to say no matter what “Only Your will Lord”. Because sometimes Your will takes us through thorns and thickets, and our feet bleed. It’s the tests and trials that stretch us. But we get home.

Free falling ends this endless striving, because everything outside Him is really just striving. Striving is like trying to lug a million shopping bags on your own and not letting anyone help you. You’re hunched over everything that’s trying to break you apart but you’re still holding dear, because it is your own personal sorrow, to which you feel entitled. And then He cups your face and wipes your tears and says “Darling, let Me help you with this too”.

Free falling is being His ride or die, because there’s really no life outside Him. Like Enitan Bereola says, God is driving, I’m riding shotgun. And it’s an endless road trip, bumpy even, but there’s so much to see along the way.

No parachutes. Free falling is just leaving the brakes, because He got this. Or maybe it’s knowing that even if I needed the brakes and they didn’t work, He’d break my fall. Or my crash.

Like He did that Sunday.

You should try it too.

Stay Here With Me

When rejection makes you do a double take on your self-esteem, remember the gifts that you have to offer the world
– Gbemisola Ero-Phillips

 

My darling, you’ve been looking back way too long. Do you not see how looking back hurts our pace? Our rhythm? It slows us down. Do not relive all the pain, let me take it off you. I have relieved you of all your burdens. Do not try to help me. I do not need your help with that. All I ask is that you hand them to me. Wholly. Withholding nothing . Only then will you be free to see me as I truly am, without the blurring that pain can cause. You do not need closure. You cannot know it all. And if you knew the truth, you couldn’t bear it all. What you need is healing, and there is plenty of that with Me.

 

I love you, and I could never unlove you. Do not ever forget this. If you walk hand in hand with me, you will see how my heart melts for you. How I value you and how I’m especially fond of you. I know that you get weary from worry about what the future holds, but trust me to give you just enough light for the step you’re on, and then the next. I don’t want you to run off on your own.

 

You think that I don’t understand what it feels like to be rejected. You forget that I was rejected too, spurned by my own people because of my social status. I got whipped and spit on and mocked by the very ones I came to save. But I did not take it to heart, and you shouldn’t either. When the world shuts the door in your face, remember to turn around into My waiting embrace. The plan was, and still is bigger than a few wrong turns. My arms are always open. And when the world makes you doubt who you are, do not ever forget that I made you perfect.

 

“You’re altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you ” (Songs of Solomon 4:7)