RantsByGbemi

The Body Issue: The Case for Sexy

June 9, 2016

I say if I’m beautiful. I say if I’m strong. You will not determine my story — I will. I will speak and share and love and I will never apologize to the frightened millions who resent that they never had it in them to do it. I stand here and I am amazing, for you. Not because of you. I am not my weight. I am not my mother. I am myself. And I am all of you, and I thank you. – Amy Schumer

I like to think that my body is stuck in the year I turned 23, save for a little weight loss. I’m a 5ft 4 pear shaped woman woman who has a 27 inch waist and 42 inch hips. That ratio is curvy by any standard, and is particularly seen as desirable and sexy in these parts. But yeah, i think I’d be considered sexy.

 

Sexy. That word is hella confusing. Lately I’ve read articles where men (Reno Omokri I’m talking to you) claim that it is better to be beautiful than sexy. Problem is the word “sexy” is in itself subjective. Sexy may be interpreted as meaning sexually attractive, and we all know that what one person finds sexually attractive may be repulsive to another person. So while one person is drooling, another person is going “eww”. For instance, some men say they are “Ass men” while others say they are “Boobs Men”. And that’s fine. So for starters the notion of telling women to intentionally not be sexy is ridiculous, seeing as we don’t necessarily set these standards.

 
Before I became curvy, I was straight, like the letter “I” and I still got cat called and propositioned. (To put things in perspective, I weighed 45kg till I was 22). I remember the Non-Academic staff who worked in a Exams and Records and all but threatened me because I’d need him since I was in my final year. And then the senior citizen at NYSC who was to help with my redeployment to Lagos but chose instead to invite me to come and rendezvous with him at Rita Lori Hotel. Then there was the man who gave me a lift once on my way to my grandma’s house and managed to tell me during the short drive that he wanted to “lick me like a tom-tom”. At this time I was about 40kg and struggling to fill up UK 8 pants. That was before all the curves.

 
Now post curves: I understand that I can wear the exact same dress as my slimmer friends and look like I’m tricking, so I’m a little careful with my style. Clothes will naturally cling and then my skirt will probably ride up my hips. However, your perception is entirely yours. I remember once I wanted to buy a pair of jeans with a back zipper and my then boyfriend told me that that was why I always got harassed. It didn’t make a lot of sense at the time but I didn’t argue. In the last few years, my personality has also grown a lot. I grew from loving my body to trying to hide it under long shirts and tunics to realizing that I am a goddess, and then trying to be modest again for these earthlings. Right now, I’m in the “whatever” phase.

 
I realize that I’m not responsible for your morality, I’m only responsible for mine. I dress as decently as a modern Christian close to 30 year-old woman should. I have a mind of my own, and such a strong sense of self, and I just let my personality shine through. When I feel the need to show a little décolleté I do. When I think I should show my legs, I do. When I want to wear fitted clothes, I do. Somedays I wake up and decide that I want to dress sexy, and I do. Somedays I want to look like a bum, I can pull that off too. Somedays, I want to be a tom-boy, and on other days I want to look like I stepped right out of Aso-Ebi Bella Instagram feed into real life. I can do all of that if I want too. I dress up for myself, so it’s never about who sees me or who doesn’t. If you decide to ogle, that’s on you. If you want to catcall, please go on. If you find me sexy or your husband or boyfriend or brother, that’s on you or them. I will wear whatever I want to wear as much as my religious views permit, but I will not be held responsible for your lack of self control.

 
And sorry I’m not sorry about not fitting in the little box you made for me. I am beautiful, undoubtedly. If you find me “sexy”, let’s talk about what was going on in your head when you were looking at me. If my body makes you uncomfortable, either as a man or as a woman on behalf of her man, my bad. You should look away.

 

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25 Comments

  • Reply Muyiwa K June 9, 2016 at 23:37

    Hey “Sexy”, miss you. 🙂

  • Reply Segebee June 10, 2016 at 01:32

    This is an interesting and controversial topic.

    The love for others against the love for self

  • Reply Derin June 10, 2016 at 03:38

    Embrace thy sexy! Nice piece

    • Reply RantsByGbemi June 11, 2016 at 21:52

      Yesss!

  • Reply Anon June 10, 2016 at 06:46

    She’s beautiful, she’s sexy, got a great figure… Forget all this gist, she neva eva dresses inappropriately…She’s a brilliant writer with a great personality

    • Reply RantsByGbemi June 11, 2016 at 21:52

      Wow! Thank you kind Sir. I am very flattered.

  • Reply Jadesola June 10, 2016 at 07:54

    I’ve always had this issue because ‘ve always been on the curvy side since puberty but at a point I got tired and didn’t pay attention to others views….I dress as I like to please myself and just like you said,anyone that is not comfortable can look away..I love this.

    • Reply RantsByGbemi June 11, 2016 at 21:50

      Thanks Jade! I think that once you don’t set out with the mission to seduce people, then you’re free to wear whatever you want.

  • Reply Bar Baric June 10, 2016 at 08:21

    Well, sexy is good, and beautiful is good too. I just prefer sexily beautiful, or beautifully sexy.

    People like “pastor” Reno Omokri is the reason there’s Breast Ironing in Cameroon.

    • Reply RantsByGbemi June 11, 2016 at 21:48

      I know right @ sexily beautiful. Sometimes you can’t help the body you have or hide it behind clothes forever. You will have to break free. I don’t know what Pastor Reno was thinking, but I pray his daughter is blessed with a body like mine. Thanks for coming through here!

  • Reply Kevwe June 11, 2016 at 17:27

    This post right here….Spot on!!! I’ve realized over time that I can wear the exact same thing as the average girl in the room but still look “sexy” while the other girl wouldn’t get a second glance. That’s not my fault, I didn’t make myself…and I got tired of constantly rethinking my dress decisions cos I didn’t want men thinking I was “sexy” or “hot” (I preferred the adjective beautiful) and I didn’t want the ladies thinking I was trying to outshine them (yeah, this happened a few times) just cos my clothes fit better o!
    Now I just don’t care…if ure a guy who thinks I’m sexy, ogle all u want. And if ure a lady who feels less just cause I’m in the room…well, that’s YOUR complex..deal with it. What matters is how I see myself…Beautiful and Confident. *drops mic* whew!

    • Reply RantsByGbemi June 11, 2016 at 21:45

      Spot on! Thank you 🙂

  • Reply O3luwatosin July 20, 2016 at 16:15

    Its good that you are comfortable with you, anyone’s views about

    you are secondary.

    You just ensure that your standards are set no one can move them.

    Its not ‘kuku’ them that gave you what you have, (rolling eyes)

    Well put together piece.:-)

    • Reply RantsByGbemi July 25, 2016 at 20:09

      Thank you Bunmi 😀

  • Reply ibukun August 8, 2016 at 12:54

    Beautiful piece, beautiful lady.

    • Reply RantsByGbemi August 30, 2016 at 20:04

      Thank you for reading love

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